Sandpaper...

(Copy-paste from my friendster blog)

Yesterday was my 3rd session with my psychotherapist..
I submitted myself to their team, because of the many factors in my life now...
Basically, I am focusing in stress and anger management..
I do not want to continue hating people, whose ultimate purpose in life is to continue hating me.. he he
I am firm I will not love them either... I just want to control my emotions.. in short I want to be as plastic, as tupperware as them... ha ha
and this what I learned from my session yesterday..
"People are often unreasonable and self centered: forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives: be kind anyways.
If you're successful, you'll win some false friends and some true enemies:
pursue to succeed anyway."
Treat this people as sandpaper in your life... as they rub you,
you'll end up getting polished, while they will end up worn out...
I notice this to be true... kasi my course mate even commented that I look fresh in class this morning, while I am doing the power presentation of our paper on Migration as a Diplomatic Tool.. (sayang nga lang he is a she.. he he)
and the people whom I am trying to avoid as being vexations to the spirit.. end up getting all pruned out.. he he

I Am My Own Person-

(Another entry from my friendster blog)

It's March 15, 2009 today, almost a month after I wrote my first blog..
The word YOU here, is an idiomatic expression, it doesn't pertain to a single person only..
ergo..
Haaayyy! it's just sooooo frustrating that people just couldn't avoid from dipping their fingers into other's sour (as sour as her-LoL) condiments, not contented of their own dipping sauce.
Why can't these people mind their own business? And be productive in their own field... Can you please stop looking at my direction? Why do you always have to zero-ed me out?
Your kind of judgment is biased. For you, damn if I do, damn if I don't...
You can never tell me to stop, this is my blog... my rule, my style...
In this arena, I will be a fierce gladiator ... This is the poison I had chosen...
Drink from my cup.

My Valentine Story -not the smoochy kind

This blog is an entry in my friendster Account

The Reason why our Bridal Party Page is Locked…Worry not – you can easily crack the password. Check out the CodeBreaker page.
Last Saturday, (Philippine Time).. February 14, 2009, Valentines Day wink..wink.. Having slept very late the night before, I was just pulling and tugging myself to get out of my comfy bed to attend my Consular and Diplomatic Class. The class starts at 9AM and from my “village” it will take me about 1hr ride to reach the venue. I have to be there. I just couldn’t miss; my class, my course-mates, and the speaker for that day.
A week before, my course-mate Gladys (she loves to be called Gagai) told me that her boss, the consul from the Embassy of Israel will be the speaker, she further add that he is muy gwapo!.. (he he) only that he wears his wedding ring.. (this comment sent roars from the ladies of the class)
Going back to Valentine’s Day.. (this blog has nothing to do with smoochy valentines.. lol) I was about 30mins. late for my class that morning (pardon Amb. Manalo the traffic was horrendous .. everybody might have been bitten by the love bug- they’re all out there in the streets) Gagai was right, her boss, the Israeli Consul (err.. what was his name again) is indeed gwapito! (lol) though he speaks English well, still there’s the diction common to an Arabic-Hebrew speaking person.
The discussion was about the Hamas and the terror it brought to Israel, the images he posted in the LCD projector was so graphic, I end up not eating the served snacks for that day.. Who would love to munch on meat burgers while blown-up bodies and human entrails are being flashed before you… abbeeer?!! Though the class started with a very disturbing topic, it ended well and light, we even have pictorials with the gwapito consul.. he he
However, the pictorials inside the class wasn’t enough to relieve the disturbing images we had seen that day, until, one member of the class suggested to have some coffee at the infamous starbucks along Taft Ave.. Off we went… sometime later I received a text message, it appears that someone had seen our wedding announcer site (wedsite for brevity) and she is “OFFENDED” because HER PICTURE WAS NOT AMONG THOSE in our site. My initial reaction was? What was she thinking? Why would her picture be there? SHE”S NOT A MEMBER OF OUR ENTOURAGE, only THOSE WHOM WE HAD CHOSEN TO BE ONE OF OUR BRIDAL PARTY have right to have their pictures posted in that particular page.
Amidst the Wi-Fi enabled coffeeshop, nobody had their notebooks on that day, that’s why I couldn’t check our wedsite, especially on that “controversial page”. I texted my honey whose marine tanker was in anchorage at Texas bay, and inquired about the hullabaloo. Since both of us have access to the site, maybe he made some changes without my knowledge (of course he will never do such a thing)… His response was, “I couldn’t find a solo pic, that’s why I posted that group picture, the reason why she is not there because she’s not a member of our entourage while all those in the group will have their own parts in our wedding. (translated to English for our foreign viewers)
Upon reaching home, I immediately went online, and there I found out that the picture subject of the controversy did not even have a caption as family picture nor it says with the members of his family. Yes, it was a group picture, and her presence is not needed there, because THE CAPTION CLEARLY PERTAINS TO A PERSON IN THAT PICTURE who will be part of Rey’s entourage, Rey was correct in his text, that the reason why he opted for that particular picture was because all of the people in there will have their own parts in our wedding.
Anyway thanks to her, I remembered that our wedsite is still in the process. Even some of my own family, parents and Rey’s mom do not have photo yet, also our Ninangs and Ninongs, and other members of the entourage do not have their photos in our site. If these people who have all the right to have their pictures posted never ever sent me their violent reactions, I just couldn’t grasp the idea, that someone who is not a member of our bridal party CLAIMS SHE IS OFFENDED BECAUSE HER PICTURE WAS NOT POSTED IN OUR SITE. Whoah! I’m appalled! I’m flabbergasted!… fellow w@wies you know where you can post your comments on this… Keep your comments coming…(lol) She even made “call-brigades” accusing me of so many things (tsk! tsk! I pity her and her). Too bad, the people she made the call to, just brushed their shoulders, according to them.. it’s so mababaw.. read shallow.. Sabagay, one need not have superb intelligence, to understand such a sense less tirade
Though it is Valentine, my heart almost broke that day, thinking about the Palestinian-Israel conflict, half across the globe, where hundreds die each day, while here I am faced with this very shallow, sense less, trifles, despicable, moronic, egoistic demand.
In all my case readings, be it Philippine cases or cases decided by foreign courts, never did I encounter a case wherein one is complaining because her picture was not included in the roster, most cases dealt with private pictures being used without the owner’s consent.. and for this yeheyyy! You just made a landmark case, albeit shallow as your demand, still you finally got your 2seconds fame..
Well although, her claims were unfounded, unanchored, base less, simply shallow and do not worth a penny of my time. However, for charity sake, and world peace.. (lol) me and my honey will accommodate her demand to have her picture in our wedsite, she can send her photo whatever size she like. Happy now?
Oppps! Sorry I will not reveal her identity… I had given her 2seconds fame already, she certainly do not deserve more.. Agree??

Espanol Lengua Extranjera

Spanish as a Foriegn Language

As soon as I was diagnosed, I gave myself (just) two weeks to sulk and pity myself.... Then I prayed real hard as if there is no more tomorrow...

I grabbed a paper and a pen and list everything that I want to do before I become a firefly... It's really not wanting to have more material things, which I realized I will just leave here on earth as soon as my fireflies wings flutters.. But it it more of doing what I think neede to be done...

On top of my list: to learn 2 more foreign languages... Spanish and French... at last when I meet Spanish or French speaking fireflies up there, I could express myself well... he he

Espanol is on top my list: I remembered when I was a freshie ArtLets student at University of Santo Tomas, we had to hurdle 2 semesters of Spanish class under Senora de Gonzales... and mind you it was not an elective subject wherein we have the option wether to take it or not... I was ONE of THOSE subject we HAVE to TAKE... okay!okay! so much of the stresses there.. he he

That was the year when Instituto Cervantes in Kalaw St. had just finished its construction.
Under the auspicies of Senora de Gonzales, our class was offered scholarship by the Instituto... It was AN SCHOLARSHIP really...

Imagine this: on Saturdays (UST's class schedule then was Tues-Sat... also Instituto) I belonged to the morning class-- so during Saturday afternoons, a bus will pick us at UST campus, bring us to Instituto, learn the Spanish Language with snacks, then again we will be brought back to UST campus before 5PM.... GRATIS!!! all for FREE!!!!

Part of our curricula under the Instituto was to greet the Queen of Spain, Queen Sophia during her visit to the Phils. for the inauguration of Instituto Cervantes... and it is all up to us if we still wanted to continue the course...

---well, after weeks of GRATIS and all--- and after greeting Queen Sophia with Buenas Dias!!! we shelved the whole idea... and focused on just passing the Spanish subject required by the Arts & Letters Department.. he he

Now, I again enrolled myself (sin gratis... he he) and so proud about my tongue twistings and remembering the abecedario.. ha ha

Hoping to pass lebel sais....!!!

As to the French Class--- I will take one step at a time...

I wanted to share with you a song by Alexander Acha, a balladeer from Mexico (pronounced as Me-hi-co)

I feel in love the moment I heard the song.... it's so enchanting.... I am sure even though you do not understand any of the words in there, just by listening to the melody, you'll be enchanted as I am..

the lyrics:

TE AMO
Amo toda tu figura modelo de lo increíble
Belleza y virtud en una tu soltura al perdonar
No dejas morir a nadie y vas sembrándonos ilusiones
Tú no sabes lo que causas
Creo que aun no te has dado cuenta
Haces que la gente agradezca tu existencia
Te amo más que a un nuevo mundo
Más que a un día perfecto
Más que a un suave vino
Más que a un largo sueño
Más que a la balada de un niño cantando
Más que a mi música más que a mis años
Más que a mis tristezas más que a mis quehaceres
Más que a mis impulsos más que a mis placeres
Más que a nuestro juego preferido
Más aun que esto te amo
Amo toda tu persona parábola de la vida
Poderosa cenicienta
Tu destreza para amarnos
No olvidas dolor de nadie y te desvives por alegrarnos
No has notado lo que eres y me aterra que lo notes
Haces que las rosas se peleen por ser tu broche
Te amo más que a un nuevo mundo
Más que a un día perfecto
Más que a un suave vino
Más que a un largo sueño
Más que a la balada de un niño cantando
Más que a mi música más que a mis años
Más que a mis tristezas más que a mis quehaceres
Más que a mis impulsos más que a mis placeres
Más que a nuestro juego preferido
Más aun que esto te amo
Más que un largo viaje
Más que a un turbio campo
Más que a un viejo amigo
Más que a cualquier santo
Más que a tu pureza adornada de errores
Más que a tu tenacidad que no se rompe
Más que a tu alegría más que a tus colores
Más que a tu sensualidad que crees que
Mas que a nuestro beso primero
Más aun que esto te amo
Más que a nuestro beso primero
Más aun que esto te amo
Más que a nuestro beso primero
Más aun que esto te amo más
Que a nuestra mágica noche de bodas
Más aun que esto te amo… te amo...

If you'll having a hard time--- he he.. here's the English translation, I said I haven't passed lebel sais yet so excuse my very poor translation... there are some spanish word no eslomismo with that of the English word...

here goes:

I LOVE YOU
Master all your figure model of the incredible thing
Beauty and virtue in one your soltura when pardoning
You do not let die to anybody and you are seeding illusions to us
You do not know what causes
I believe that not yet you have realized
Cause that people are thankful for your existence
I love you more than to a new world
More than to a perfect day
More than to a smooth wine
More than to a long dream
More than to the ballad of a boy singing
More than music more than to my years
More than to my sadnesses more than to my tasks
More than to my impulses more than to my pleasures
More than to our favourite game
Still more that this I love you
Master all your person parabola of the life
Powerful ashen
Your skill to love to us
You do not forget pain anybody and you are completely devoted to cheer to us
You have not noticed what you are and me aterra you notice that it
Cause that the roses fight themselves for being your clasp
I love you more than to a new world
More than to a perfect day
More than to a smooth wine
More than to a long dream
More than to the ballad of a boy singing
More than music more than to my years
More than to my sadnesses more than to my tasks
More than to my impulses more than to my pleasures
More than to our favourite game
Still more that this I love you
More than a long trip
More than to a turbid field
More than to an old friend
More than to any saint
More than to your adorned purity of errors
More than to your tenacity that is not broken
More than to your joy more than to your colors
More than to your sensuality that you think that you hide
More than to our kiss first
Still more that this I love you
More than to our kiss first
Still more that this I love you
More than to our kiss first
Still more that this I love you more
That to our magical night of weddings
Still more that this I love you… I love you

Try to listen at youtube and tell me if your not smitten by Alexander Acha's appeal..
el hombre muy simpatico... he he
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT89qsVzJoE

Deleting "friends" on Black Saturday

Up to now, I am still "quizzical" why the day after Good Friday and the day before Easter is called Black Saturday...

I remembered growing up in our home and having our own home library, my mom was a former librarian and she knew the importance of books and other reading materials. Our home library was well appointed-- it contains a wide range of books-- from the Children's Bible, to fairytales, to encyclopedias, to reader's digest, to romance novels, and my favorite-Pollyanna and Nancy Drew series, name it--most probably our home library has it...

I am really grateful to have a mom like my Mommy, she believes that any reading material -provided it is not smutt- is good for us.. We would have our neighbor's school age kids coming over our house on weekends doing their schoolworks and researches--- well- this was that moment in time when encarta and wikipedia were lightyears away... he he

Up to this very day- my fascination to good books never "perished" amidst having DSL in the comforts of my own room... The moment I step into the mall my feet will bring me either to a bookstore or to the handyman section.. he he.. When I see people reading books in a coffeeshop I always get that "jealous" feeling.. he he

One of the many books we have in our home library, was a book entitled Black Saturday-- it was a thick hardbound book, the cover was in black and the letterings were in gold. It look like a Bible--err rather a Quran (yes we have a Quran in the house amidst us being Catholics)-- this is because my dad's family hails from Zamboanga and Cotabato.

I was always amazed by that book-- my dad knowing that I am a voracious reader at a very young age, he told me that I am still young to read it-- hence its place is on the topmost shelf... I also remembered the 3big books entitled World War II- it was also in black (matte) and the letterings was also in black but embossed (glossy)-- by mere looking at that 3big books it signify melancholy---

That 3books were also "forbidden" because it is an archive of photos of war, and the pictures were very graphic-my dad doesn't want me to be exposed to such kind of violence... However my Kuya Jul (4 years older) and my cousin Dax (almost same age as I am-- ok ok he is 2mos and 17 days older than me-- he he) is allowed to scan the pages of that book-- lalaki daw kase sila.. maybe they have the "guts" ...

As I went into age-- and I am already allowed to read most of the books in our family library-- I never really liked that 3big books-- yes! I had seen most of its pages- its really gruesome-- nowadays when there is a new war picture/movie-- eventhough how acclaimed it is-- I just hate it -- I knew somehow that the scene will just be a "reproduction" of what was documented in that 3big books--- in a more vivid way..

So what about the book Black Saturday- amidst my fascination, I never read that book-- my Kuya An An (also a reader like me) told me that it is also a book about war...

As much as I am amazed by the term Black Saturday-- I never liked war-- war was the reason why my dad's family uprooted from Cotabato and left their vast acres of land there-- war was the reason why dad's family have to migrate to the US and war was also the reason why my parents have to say goodbye to the good memories they had in Cotabato.

As I am making this blog, I searched the web for the History of Black Saturday- the web wasn't able to give me detailed story- maybe I did not searched hard enough--- but one thing is sure-- Black Saturday entails sadness...

Well ... well.. well.. going back to the title of this blog--- today I decided to delete some people in my friendster list-- nope I am not waging war--- instead I am searching for Peace...
and deleting them was a baby step in achieving my own peace... I felt a relief when I did that, I feel better now..

Tomorrow will be Easter a day of renewal and of new life...

I am heeding towards it...

Childhood Memories in Quaint Masbate

EPILOGUE: My blog today will not only tell you, about my own childhood memories but also that of my cousins from the Rosero-Amante clan... Hence I allow my cousins to post this blog in their own Friendster account- (Our Lola Aring is from the Rosero family, on the other hand our Lolo Isiong is from the Amante family)...

It's Black Saturday today and aside from New Year's Day this day reminds me a lot about my childhood....

I considered myself blessed to have ancestors who are devout Catholics (I am not against any religions-- my bestfriend from college was Iglesia ni Cristo and from law school a muslim lady).. It is just that there is something in the Catholic Faith that amazes me until now...

Growing up in Masbate with my Lolo Isiong and Lola Aring means having to learn Spanish religious songs at a very early age, (remember No Mas Amor Que el Tu Yu o corazon divino-) this we sang every Friday at my lola's altar before the image of Sacred Heart.

As soon as the 6PM church bell rings-- dapat nasa altar na lahat for the Angelus-- and in case it would be too far for us to run upstairs to the Daku na Balay-wherever we are, we have to stop (even in the middle of the street- to pray the angelus-- this was the moment in the time when all vehicles stops to pay homage to the Angelus---

Opps! did I say too far to run upstairs?-- well this seldom happens, because it is demanded from us that at 6PM if we are in town--DAPAT nasa Daku na Balay kami during this time--- unless we are brave enough to face Lola Aring's "tumagiktik" or the most dreared "luhod sa altar with asin or monggo beans".. he he

A discipline (corporal punishment to some) which I am lucky I am exposed to--

Attending mass every Sunday is a must- at the onset our family resides in a rented house in Danao St. about 10mins walk from the Cathedral- we lived there until 1980 when we transferred to our own house at Celestina Punta Nursery- which became our family residence up to the present.

Our family residence was about 2kilometers from the Cathedral while my Lola's house is just a cartwheel away from the church--- tatlong tumbling lang nasa church ka na.. he he.. my Lola attends the 1st mass of the day-- sya pa ata nagbubukas ng church (peace Lola) our family's schedule were the 7:30AM masses- known as the mass for the whole family...

After the mass it is a must to pass by at Daku na Balay or Malaking Bahay(our ancestral house) to make mano po to Lola and Lolo and to give Tita Nomie a kiss on the cheek (our spinster aunt- we fondly call her TaNoms)--- konting kwentuhan meryenda uwi na before lunchtime.. Sometimes my parents would leave me at Daku na Balay to play with my cousins-- kaya lang minsan ayaw ko kase meron Time To Sleep-- he he

TaNoms imposes a siesta time-- if we do not sleep "maingay" and "baby dangdang" will surely get us---

"Maingay" hates noisy and rowdy kids, she or he (malamang she) resides in the ceiling of the "banyo"-- her way of getting out is the hole in the ceiling- (actually happens to be the ventilation) it is a black hole on top of the toilet bowl- imagine yourself sitting on the bowl doing your thing- and looking up to the ceiling-- expecting "maingay" to come out at any time-- he he

On the other hand- Baby Dangdang is the kaingin fire on the mountain (hence the name dang dang--in masbateno it means-the heat of the fire) usually seen at the "bangerahan" area of the kitchen often during late afternoons when the town is at dusk---

During "time to Sleep" -- banig mats were laid out at the living area for us to sleep-and a sumptous meryenda awaits us upon waking up- as hyper as we are ang hirap matulog ng pilit and we sometimes "fake" our sleep- our Tanoms would check our eyes for evidence that we indeed slept-- the evidence?--- "muta" gross isn't it? but mas gross po un ginagawa namin para magkaroon ng "fake muta" ha ha--

upon waking up- we will roll the banig mats, and gather the pillows with immaculately white cover (with almidol) and hide them at Lola's room.. Then agawan na sa "kuskos"-- made from coconut husk used to polish the floor-- tapos yehhey!! meryenda na--

Sometimes champorado but oftentimes brewed barako coffee and jacobina cookies-- (in masbate it is plain jobina or jacobines-lol)--

we will either dip the jacobina into the cup of coffee to soften it-- or crush it and ihulog lahat sa kape-- he he-- we will use the spoon to scoop it-- the coffe is hot enough for our "kiddie tongues"-- it's yummy believe me.. he he

I love my childhood so much!!!!

Going back to my blog---

Actually it started on Palm Sunday.. Our Daku na Balay is just a block away from the Cathedral- it has a balcony infront- engulfing the whole facade- very ideal to watch parades and processions (a must see events in our quaint town)..

On Palm Sunday Lola's balcony (we call it her balcony because this is where she tends her roses- american roses at that) will be decked with "palaspas" made by TaNoms from coconut fronds gathered by Lolo's tenants in his farm)...

It is in Lola's balcony where little girls dressed up as angels sings their Alleluias as the church goers passes by...

As Holy Week unfolds- the voices of the " mga para passion" those who sings the passion of Christ fills the "airwaves" of Masbate Town-- with the "vocas" (old fashioned voice speakers)
Holy Wednesday means- us cousins- dressing up for the procession of the "Carosas"- our parents allow us to join the Wednesday procession with our yayas in tow because the route of this procession is not "that long" compared to the Good Friday procession of the Santo Entierro (this is another story)

Our place in the procession is the "carosa" of the Agony in the Graden-- why? uhm we don't know but aside from being it's the first carosa in line (the carosa of San Pedro came much later in years na) it is the only 'carosa' with an angel and according to our parents dapat dun kami kase meron angel..and angels are for kids.. he he (logical po ba)

Joining the procession excites us more than anything else because we got to hold candles throughout the procession ha ha - there is something in the canlde light that fascinates us--- although we know how to pray the Rosary- we were too young then to pray it while walking-- he he

After the procession we end up at Daku na Balay, (raid TaNoms kitchen) and our parents will fetch us from there...

Good Friday means waking up early in the morning for the Via Crusis (Way of the Cross) and the confessions.. I always have that eerie feeling when our family enters the church during Good Fridays-- the cathedral doesn't look the same as regualr days--

The Images of the Saints are all covered up either in white or purple blankets.. at the altar the humongous altar table is put aside and 3 gigantic wooden crosses place in it's stead... accoding to mom's prayer book the scenery resembles that of "golgotha" the place of the skull where Jesus was nailed to the cross---

Via Crusis kept our family in prayer mode-- I was too young to remember all the prayers we utter in each Station but I am not to young to be excited about the act of genuflecting before each station- (because the day after; my butt and Quad muscles will be sore- maybe due to the stretchings during the kneeling, bowing and standing 14times) my mom would often say the pain your feeling right now is just "chicken" to what Jesus had in His on way of the cross...

As usual after the church visit we will pass by Daku na Balay to pay respect to Lolo, Lola TaNOms and other aunts, uncles who are present.

Debate always happen here- because our dad will not allow us to attend the Siete Palabaras (according to him we were to young to understand, and the ceremony is solemn hence not for kids). We end-up listening to the radio the Siete Palabras in the comfort of our home.
At 4PM we are bound to Town (we live in Barrio Sinalikway--he he) when we were much younger we just watch the procession at DBP Branch (the Friday procession takes the other route- it do not pass by at Daku na Balay)..

Sometimes our parents will allow us to have sleep over at Daku na Balay- for us to watch the La Soledad (the late night procession of the Dolorosa)- amidst our deep slumber- we could not miss watching this procession because it is the "noisiest procession"... the sacristan clunking their "matracas" as the procession goes by, will definitely wake up the sleepiest vein you have.. he he

Black Saturday!!!! one of the most anticipated day of the week-- it is because our family had a "panata' handed down from our Apoy's (grand lolas) to offer breakfast meals to the group of 14pious people (12Disciples, Bishop Iligan and Monsignor Caluya).

As early as 3AM Daku na Balay's kitchen would be in chaos (Friday pa lang naka set up na ang long table) the "abuhan" would be busy with crackling fires--- usually a big cauldron with hot water for Lola's hot cocoa is on top of it---

TaNoms will be the one giving orders- to the tenants who came to help- they are in charge in the cooking and cleaning the dishes after..

--to our elder female cousins (Manay Pet, Manay Bing and Ate Nene) coaching them how to serve and all--

--then all the aunts, uncles, cousins, relatives, will soon be trooping in-- it is a must that their arrival should be before that of the Pious people...

--if the female cousins' place is the kitchen- the male cousins are in charged of fetching the Pious people from the Cathedral- the much younger male cousins- will act as look-outs sa balcony sisigaw ng "andito na mga Disipulos na waran pulos"... he he

---if that shout be heard in the house it is now time for everyone to move fast-- and if Lola Aring will hear that -- expect a "tumagiktik" following you-- he he

Anyways, the whole house would be very busy (ours is a big family- that time we are about 30cousins in all) with the yayas chaotic talaga.. some would even find their fingers tinkering the grand piano--- and if Lola Aring will hear a note coming from the piano- halaka! you will surely hear " shhh puyo-patay pa an Dios"...

After the "panata breakfast"-- Lolo Isiong in behalf of the family will thank them for their presence to our Daku na Balay- the tenants will soon bring out the "kaings of caimitos" (starfruits) to be distributed to the visitors-- it is somehow amazing that amidst the summer heat and the dry season the caimito tree from Lolo's farm will always be heavily laden with purple fruits.. ready for harvest before Black Saturday... This is the lone caimito tree infront of Lolo's farm house in Asid...

After the visitors left- with bags of the purple caimitos-- it's now our time to "party'!!!!! he he
Lola Aring could not do much with her "tumagiktik" against her rowdy apos...
After we partake Black Saturday breakfast- off to the beach we go-- sometimes-- if Lola allows us- according to her "patay pa ang Dios".. sometimes-- we do not go to swim--- bawal sabi ni Lola..

The following day -- Easter!!! mas masaya na kami dito- sometimes we still have the energy to wake up before dawn to watch the "Alleluia" or the "Salubong"-- again Lola's balcony will be bedecked with coconut fronds for the angels-- singing the "sit-sit sigoditsit--sigoditsit-sigoditsit- alleluia alleuia-- ha ha (well it sounds like that)

after the 7:30AM Easter mass-- off we go to Daku na Balay-- for the "egg hunting" hay naku super duper mega fantastic saya--- looking/finding/searching/ for colored eggs and candies around Lola's plants-- and the big cousins climbing up the "is-is tree".. it's riot talaga...

Later on it was already "our time" to be in charge in the Sabado de Gloria breakfast Panata --- cousins Shiela, STN, Che-Che and me...

The years had started to turn the pages of time-- being kikay- I am now in-charge in gathering pitogo leaves for Lola's balcony for the Palm Sunday...

Being older-- means able to join not only the Wednesday procession but also the Good Friday procession--

We already have the liberty to choose which carosa we will follow -- one of the choices is the carosa of Mary Magdalene-(she smells sooooo good!!) because it belongs to the Legazpi's, aside from their ancestral house just a stone throw away from Daku na Balay they are our relatives--
However we are not allowed to follow the Santo Entierro-- only older men are allowed to follow this carosa- the brave and the strong-- because -aside from being a miraculous image-- His carosa is bedecked with precious stones and it is heavily guarded to avoid being ransacked (humm. teka Holy week di ba? bawal magnanakaw.. he he)

The Good Friday procession is something extra ordinary (to us)-- we always cheated-- he he..
We never start the procession from the church- and never accompany the procession to the end--- instead we take the shortcuts- we take the road beside La Concha and wait for the procession infront of Villa Bayot-

- while waiting for the procession-- we fascinate ourself at the "grandeur" of this old villa-- most specially the resident-- one of the heirs happen to be a beauty queen- known as Chita Zaldariaga- she has fair skin and she will sit infront of one of the many windows of the villa waiting for the procession to pass by (their family owns the santo Entierro)- she will always have an alalay beside her, to fan her and keep her cool-- he he--

She no longer resides in Masbate but she'll always come home for the Good Friday procession--- maybe panata to the Santo Entierro she takes care of preparing Him for the procession-- ewan di ko alam un kwento-- he he

On Saturday- the next day she'll take the PAL flight and leave Masbate, their old black car will pass by Daku na Balay enroute to the airport. To be home again the next year...

As said earlier, as the years unfolded-- there were many changes that happened in our family- transfer of roles happened...

Cousin Sheila is now in-charge in buying the groceries for the Sabado de Gloria breakfast panata--
Cousin Che-che and me incharge pouring hot cocoa to the cups of the pious people..

Cousin STN- tulog-- he he (peace) well--she is very active in the alleluia-- she's always in the Cathedral with the other angels for the practice for the easter rituals...

Years past- as we grew taller-older-- some cousins got married-- other family members migrated -- family issues started to be sour-- a lot of things changed-- but the memory of my childhood and my cousin's-- will forever be etched in walls of our Daku na Balay...

Badge of Courage

These photos are the bruises all over me-- using my fon camera.. My doctor said these are badges of courage- Because these will remind me of the battle I have to fight bravely.

(as written in my previous blog- the medicine will change the consistency of my blood- and I will be prone to bruises)

Last night, I wasn't able to sleep well... Honestly, it was a horrendous night for me...

But, let me narrate first what "yesterday gave me"... When I woke up, I found 257 unread mails in my inbox from

weddings@works account... and 5mails in my personal account...

Since I am very good lol- in multi-tasking I scanned both accounts-- first the mails from w@w-- since nothing in the forum concerned me, I deleted most, if not all..

Then I checked my personal account- a mail from my kuya, 2 from friendster, 1 from multiply connections and 1-- from the Phil. Consulate in one of the countries located somewhere in the South America..

What? how come? where did they got my address? Is this a spam mail or what...
I read it and viola! they were asking for my resume... they are in search for a Protocol Assistant for the Phil. Consul...
I squinted my eyes many times--- is this for real?

I called the contact number listed on the page and inquired about the e-mail I received.
They said it's NOT A SPAM mail... They got my e-mail addres from the Language Institute- my ability to converse in Spanish, and my background in Diplomatico Internacional attracted them..

The woman behind the phone narrated the requirements, the procedures, and everything...
Dumbfounded, I found myself saying my despidas-- Senora, muchas gracias, usted!
I wanted to jump for joy-- he he-- immediately I checked on my documents... as I go on with my resume- I realized that in 3months time I will be walking down the aisle.. I still have my health concerns, I am still to take the bar--

It was reality check for me... The hiring lady said they need my resume Ahora mismo! and if I will pass the written exam (to test my proficiency in written Espanol Lengua Estranjera) the deployment will be real soon...

I end up in prayer-- I asked for a SIGN-- will I grab this job? the chance to work abroad, in a Phil. consulate?

Or stay in the Phils. wait for my fiancee and get married--

The "strage occurrences" early in the morning might have taken its toll in my "uh-so" fragile health-- I suddenly found myself dizzy (this was already bedtime) and wanted to throw up-- hugged the toilet bowl- I did! (yuck! gross..)

Everything I ate during the day, down the drain--- my yaya hurriedly prepared my orange slivers- for me to suck-- it was my honey who taught her this technique each time I am vomitous...

Am I being sent a negative sign or I still have to wait?

Of Highs and Lows- rollercoasters and bump cars..

Nope, I am not talking about those rides one can find in theme parks and peryahan... What I am blogging now is the highs and lows of the week that was...

I decided to use rollercoasters and bump cars, because they remind me of my childhood (everyone does)... Those were the days of security- daddy and mommy are always there to ease whatever pain I have... be it high fever or just a simple bruise from too much playing in the garden...

Those days when my Kuyas and ate are my confidante, together we will hide "little secrets" of our naughtiness from daddy and mommy-- but they will soon discover anyways-- being the bunso-- i squeal- he he

Those days when my yaya (she's not a loser Angelina--lol) will never remove my rubber shoes unless I took a bath or sleeps-- (that's the reason why I have "short-little-feet" for my frame-- I am 5'4, with a well kept weight in pounds --lol-- my shoe size is 6 1/2 or 7)

Those days really never left me-- uhm! they faded- but now they "resurfaced"---

Now that I am into this situation-- my daddy and mommy (though much older now to be worried) still eases my pain... My kuyas and ate -though they have families of their own and are located geographically away from me- are still my confidantes- they are just a YM away.. And my nanny who believes that being "in" is having small-feet (not lotus feet Jonathan)- is now with me here in Manila for the duration of my treatments...

I will start this blog from April 1 (hindi pa ba ako nagsisimula?-- he he)-- April 1 known as April Fool's Day- I decided to stay at home- in my room to be precise- hoping that the medical findings were just tricks.. Tomorrow the doctors will call, the laboratories will call, and the oncologist will call; announcing the big trick they played on me.. I was crossing my fingers-- This is the joke I wanted to be played on me...

April2, I woke up, and noticed the down pouring of the rain, as if the whole Metro was crying-- at first: there were pit-pats then it pours... the phone rang--it was the medical secretary of my onco, she reminded me of my appointment-- at 11AM that day. The injection will push through-- my yaya knocked on the door, she told me the water is warm enough for me to take a bath...
I stood up like a real cadette, and strode to the bath-- having taken a good bath and all dressed up- I brushed my hair- making sure each strand is on its right place- then I rushed to the hospital.

My onco injected 1 vial of liquid med (syempre alangan naman solid un inject nya noh!-lol) somewhere near my butt area (urgh!)-- the whole process was brief- but the bill wasn't-- tumataginting na 10K pesosesoses.... the name of the medicine was too complicated for me to remember- but it was some sort of hormone- to keep my estrogen level in the minimum... nope it wasn't depo-

The injection didn't hurt at all-- but I repeat-- the bill caused a scratched in my credit card (CC) again-- he he

I found myself all alone in the cab bound for Instituto Cervantes for my language class-- I was chatting with Manong Driver about the "trivialities" of driving around the Metro-- I am sorry to all MMDA's we berated you --he he...

Nearing Kalaw Ave. my blackberry (nope- N72 lang po- but it is black-- he he) beeped, announcing an incoming text message-- there were two messages- 1 from my honey inquiring about the procedure I just had, and 1 from my best friend cogratulating me- I just got my diploma from International Diplomacy..

My Spanish professor is !muy guapo y simpatico! .. he he-- he is cool. he doesn't want to be called Senor-- maybe he prefers Zorro-- ha ha-- he is adept to Filipino telenovelas..
After the traumatic "injection" (traumatic because I have to display my butt--he he) early that day- I went home with my new Ven Series listening CDs bought from the administrador del instituto--

April 3- the beeping of my ever reliable N72 woke me up.. it was from my cousin-- asking me about some family issues-- I texted her back-- as I raised my legs on the bed board- I noticed the bruises my onco warned me yesterday- he said sights of those will be appearing days after the injection-- he said the medicine he gave me has some thinning effect on the blood and I have to be very careful not to bump myself to avoid bruises--

I felt sadness creeping in--- I hate being sad- i texted my cousin and told her I decided to accept her treat to me-- all expense paid dermal cautery-- we went to Trinoma-- had the procedure, had our cholesterol and carbo fix at Red Ribbon-Yummy!-- thank you kaz!

When I reached home, I suddenly felt sick-- I was embracing the toilet bowl--whoah! I was vomitting-- (yucky!)-- I asked my yaya to text my doctor what's the throwing up means... The doctor responded -- its a normal process-- waahhh!

If being normal is having bruises, being sick and embracing the toilet bowl-- I'd rather be abnormal....

The Battle Begins.. Nope it's not a baby..

Note: this particular blog may be senseless. lot's of grammatical errors and "chubabels"- forgive me I just took 2mg of melatonin (opps! not a toxic drug- just to calm down my nerves)

Just like a gladiator, I have to be wounded before I will show fierce...

I had been to series of tests, Here's the result of their findings, my apology to the readers of my blog; who are not into medical field, nor had not undergo what I am battling now, I find it hard to mention the anatomical part where the disease is located.

Forgive me, just the mere thought of it, suddenly makes me emotional.. a dampen spirit is the least that I want to have...

To be precise, what you're seeing are the images of the tumor- from the 3different hospitals I went to...

Please let me thank the first few who dropped a message of prayer for me, I may not be able to thank them later....

From '92-- Lhing and Aying- muah!, I will meet with you as soon as I could, as long as you keep your promise not to quizzed me on my health conditions.. he he (honestly I don't want to talk about it in person- anything you want to know, I will answer you--but in SMS only.. he he)

2/E Melvin- he is of the same profession as my honey, and having a family member battling the same disease- batch salamat sa comment at sa message... don't worry I will still be around longer.. he he (he's quite worried that I will be gone before his navigation is over-- waaah!)- message ka lang if me signal na...

Dra. Rich- thank you for your words of cheer.

Franz- yup! I will be able to fight this.

Margie-- Thank you Marge, got your message

Atty. Rak's- girl, I will surely visit Dr.Siasu anytime soon...

Bibz and Tata- KKBBHB!!

My cousins--- and nieces-- yep! rarampa pa tayo sa wedding namin.. he he

To my

w@w family-- seafarer2bwed is just a PM away..

Hayyy! It is really nice to know that amidst the treacherous path of life, there are people who'll be willing to lend a hand or at least send a cheer..

While waiting for the result (from Delos Santos Medical) I was communicating with my cousin through SMS, she promised to treat me to dermal cautery if my time permits... I love you kaz I know that you want to cheer me up... Don't worry as promised I will not try chemo.. not so soon... I don't want to be bald: for the sake of vanity... he he

Battling the Big C

My oncologist kept on reminding me that I have to psyche myself; that everything will be okay- I want to believe him, I want to tell that to myself, but how can I?

Half-a decade ago I was diagnosed to have tumors. I was a good patient, taking my medications religiously, avoided certain food that may enhance the tumor's growth ( I don't like red meat anyways)... Never smoked, not had alcoholic beverage. Endured the 2shots of vaccine and 1booster shot, lived a healthy life and was in commune with my God.

Months later, my Ultrasound result cleared me- as a way of gratitude, I became a Red Cross blood donor, and I am very happy each time I donate 3.5pints of blood each session. Never regretted giving a part of myself, I even encouraged a lot of friends to do the same.

Time flew so fast, just last week I submitted myself for the routine check-up- and my physician referred me to an oncologist and yes I have Big C. Genetics they said ( I have 2close relatives died of Big C)

As I looked back, it dawned on me that moths ago, I had been living a really fast paced life- I even resigned from work to focus on our wedding preps. (my honey is onboard) Then a lot of stressful episodes wiggled their way towards me- at first I fought them- I just have to, but evil remains evil, I could not take that much vileness, I have to retract.

A classmate in my diplomate course, noticed that my aura exudes darkness, without my nod he took me to Ateneo for some stress-debriefing, he said it will be his departure gift for me, since he will be soon deployed to Jordan as an attache.

The psychotherapy went well, thank you I am not insane, but the people around me are... he he he..

Now, I could say I learned how not to mind vile people...
Still trying to accept my fate... This will be an uphill battle, hope I will win this one...

Sandpaper...

Yesterday was my 3rd session with my psychotherapist..
I submitted myself to their team, because of the many factors in my life now...
Basically, I am focusing in stress and anger management..

I do not want to continue hating people, whose ultimate purpose in life is to continue hating me.. he he

I am firm I will not love them either... I just want to control my emotions.. in short I want to be as plastic, as tupperware as them... ha ha
and this what I learned from my session yesterday..

"People are often unreasonable and self centered: forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives: be kind anyways.
If you're successful, you'll win some false friends and some true enemies:
pursue to succeed anyway."

Treat this people as sandpaper in your life... as they rub you,
you'll end up getting polished, while they will end up worn out...

I notice this to be true... kasi my course mate even commented that I look fresh in class this morning, while I am doing the power presentation of our paper on Migration as a Diplomatic Tool.. (sayang nga lang he is a she.. he he)
and the people whom I am trying to avoid as being vexations to the spirit.. end up getting all pruned out.. he he

I Am My Own Person- (from my friendster blog)

It's March 15, 2009 today, almost a month after I wrote my first blog..
The word YOU here, is an idiomatic expression, it doesn't pertain to a single person only..
ergo..
Haaayyy! it's just sooooo frustrating that people just couldn't avoid from dipping their fingers into other's sour (as sour as her-LoL) condiments, not contented of their own dipping sauce.
Why can't these people mind their own business? And be productive in their own field... Can you please stop looking at my direction? Why do you always have to zero-ed me out?
Your kind of judgment is biased. For you, damn if I do, damn if I don't...
You can never tell me to stop, this is my blog... my rule, my style...
In this arena, I will be a fierce gladiator ... This is the poison I had chosen...
Drink from my cup.

My Valentine Story -not the smoochy kind

Last Saturday, (Philippine Time).. February 14, 2009, Valentines Day wink..wink.. Having slept very late the night before, I was just pulling and tugging myself to get out of my comfy bed to attend my Consular and Diplomatic Class. The class starts at 9AM and from my “village” it will take me about 1hr ride to reach the venue. I have to be there. I just couldn’t miss; my class, my course-mates, and the speaker for that day.
A week before, my course-mate Gladys (she loves to be called Gagai) told me that her boss, the consul from the Embassy of Israel will be the speaker, she further add that he is muy gwapo!.. (he he) only that he wears his wedding ring.. (this comment sent roars from the ladies of the class)
Going back to Valentine’s Day.. (this blog has nothing to do with smoochy valentines.. lol) I was about 30mins. late for my class that morning (pardon Amb. Manalo the traffic was horrendous .. everybody might have been bitten by the love bug- they’re all out there in the streets) Gagai was right, her boss, the Israeli Consul (err.. what was his name again) is indeed gwapito! (lol) though he speaks English well, still there’s the diction common to an Arabic-Hebrew speaking person.
The discussion was about the Hamas and the terror it brought to Israel, the images he posted in the LCD projector was so graphic, I end up not eating the served snacks for that day.. Who would love to munch on meat burgers while blown-up bodies and human entrails are being flashed before you… abbeeer?!! Though the class started with a very disturbing topic, it ended well and light, we even have pictorials with the gwapito consul.. he he
However, the pictorials inside the class wasn’t enough to relieve the disturbing images we had seen that day, until, one member of the class suggested to have some coffee at the infamous starbucks along Taft Ave.. Off we went… sometime later I received a text message, it appears that someone had seen our wedding announcer site (wedsite for brevity) and she is “OFFENDED” because HER PICTURE WAS NOT AMONG THOSE in our site. My initial reaction was? What was she thinking? Why would her picture be there? SHE”S NOT A MEMBER OF OUR ENTOURAGE, only THOSE WHOM WE HAD CHOSEN TO BE ONE OF OUR BRIDAL PARTY have right to have their pictures posted in that particular page.
Amidst the Wi-Fi enabled coffeeshop, nobody had their notebooks on that day, that’s why I couldn’t check our wedsite, especially on that “controversial page”. I texted my honey whose marine tanker was in anchorage at Texas bay, and inquired about the hullabaloo. Since both of us have access to the site, maybe he made some changes without my knowledge (of course he will never do such a thing)… His response was, “I couldn’t find a solo pic, that’s why I posted that group picture, the reason why she is not there because she’s not a member of our entourage while all those in the group will have their own parts in our wedding. (translated to English for our foreign viewers)
Upon reaching home, I immediately went online, and there I found out that the picture subject of the controversy did not even have a caption as family picture nor it says with the members of his family. Yes, it was a group picture, and her presence is not needed there, because THE CAPTION CLEARLY PERTAINS TO A PERSON IN THAT PICTURE who will be part of Rey’s entourage, Rey was correct in his text, that the reason why he opted for that particular picture was because all of the people in there will have their own parts in our wedding.
Anyway thanks to her, I remembered that our wedsite is still in the process. Even some of my own family, parents and Rey’s mom do not have photo yet, also our Ninangs and Ninongs, and other members of the entourage do not have their photos in our site. If these people who have all the right to have their pictures posted never ever sent me their violent reactions, I just couldn’t grasp the idea, that someone who is not a member of our bridal party CLAIMS SHE IS OFFENDED BECAUSE HER PICTURE WAS NOT POSTED IN OUR SITE. Whoah! I’m appalled! I’m flabbergasted!… fellow w@wies you know where you can post your comments on this… Keep your comments coming…(lol) She even made “call-brigades” accusing me of so many things (tsk! tsk! I pity her and her). Too bad, the people she made the call to, just brushed their shoulders, according to them.. it’s so mababaw.. read shallow.. Sabagay, one need not have superb intelligence, to understand such a sense less tirade
Though it is Valentine, my heart almost broke that day, thinking about the Palestinian-Israel conflict, half across the globe, where hundreds die each day, while here I am faced with this very shallow, sense less, trifles, despicable, moronic, egoistic demand.
In all my case readings, be it Philippine cases or cases decided by foreign courts, never did I encounter a case wherein one is complaining because her picture was not included in the roster, most cases dealt with private pictures being used without the owner’s consent.. and for this yeheyyy! You just made a landmark case, albeit shallow as your demand, still you finally got your 2seconds fame..
Well although, her claims were unfounded, unanchored, base less, simply shallow and do not worth a penny of my time. However, for charity sake, and world peace.. (lol) me and my honey will accommodate her demand to have her picture in our wedsite, she can send her photo whatever size she like. Happy now?
Oppps! Sorry I will not reveal her identity… I had given her 2seconds fame already, she certainly do not deserve more.. Agree?

Promises and Fidelity– not what you have in mind…

The rollercoaster of life tested me last week… Some aren’t worth blogging. However I have to be faithful to the promise I made to my psychotherapist (let us call him MFP- My Friendly Psychotherapist– lol).
Early in my sessions with him, he told he told me that I have to keep a journal of what I am feeling and what I felt during the whole process, this way I would be able to release all my angsts and whatever there is inside me.. I have to combat the “demons” with my mighty pen.. Hey! is pen really mightier than the sword? ha ha
I sheepishly told him: although I am a person who loves my penmanship so much.. ha ha.. blogging is the way to go now, journals are things of the past.. he he–
He quipped, whatever medium I choose, I should keep writing about all of these…
According to him; the more I write and open myself to the world; the more I let go of myself; the more I will discover the meaning of what “this is” all about…
He retold the classic example of the Red Sea- the reason why it is called the Dead Sea- is because of its nature of not ”giving away”– she’s the inlet of all the body of waters around her BUT she doesn’t have an outlet.. She kept on receiving not giving.. He added we human might end up like the dead sea, and be ”walking zombies” if we just kept on keeping all our angst and not letting it go.
The best way to do it? either share it to friends or write about it… Gee! blogging is indeed the way to go– I could write about it and at the same time sharing the experience with friends…
—Side story- I went to National BookStore along Congressional Ave. and I discovered the 2.0 Calligraphy pen– wow! I feel inlove with my handwriting once more…
…using the one with black ink (my favorite ink color) - I wrote my name, aba maganda nga! then I couldn’t stop, I found myself scribbling “the quick brown foz jumps over the lazy dog near the bank of the river”… uhum! — getting better… I grabbed the blue one (this one is the fav ink color of my honey) then I wrote his name..
At the corner of my eye, I saw the salesgirl, she strode so fast, approaching my direction, she’s holding a blunt instrument, I thought she would stop me - err violently, stabbing me in the eye or my delicate writing hand… she’s nearing! must I run away from her or be violent as she is?.. I have to decide fast. Naaahhh!! this is fiction.. he he
As the salesgirl aprroached me, she handed me the same kind of pen, but this one is with red ink– I told her from my schooldays, red inks are used for correcting papers not really for writing.. she gave me a stern look– a signal that I have to try it, else my fiction up there will become a reality– he he– I chuckled..
hummm! this is nice… the black ink, I used in writing my name, the blue was for my honey’s name.. what should I write with this red ink?,,, ting!!.. how about the names of the people who are vexations to my spirit?.. pwede! pwede!.. he he..
I bought it in all available colors… black, blue and red.. and a Mead notebook to complement the pens… Finding the right notepad is also challenging– aba! they do not come cheap ha.. the one I bought costs me 499.75 pesos.. gasgas na naman credit card ko nito.. he he
I am excited for this coming week -to formally write my journal amidst the lakes of Laguna- got the invites from my classmate in International Diplomacy the owner of one of the infamous resorts (destination of the Seven Lakes Tour).
Who can resist free invites?…
Now I’ll have two mediums… my mead notebook and my apple notebook.. ha ha

I am FireLantern

When I was a kid, summertime means having overnights in Bituon Beach Resort (we would stay there for almost a week) .. the most awaited part of the resort life was at night when the fireflies flutters over the trees -we would catch them and placed them inside a jar to illuminate our rooms--but we never "kill" them-we would always let them go- we though Bituon was named after the fireflies- because bituon means stars in our dialect and the place is a host to gazillions of fireflies.. and fireflies are like twinking stars..

Me and my cousins hates it when our moms would shoo us to bed because we still wanted to enjoy the fireflies... we knew that in the morning there would be no fireflies...

Our moms would often say that fireflies will always be there- even in the mornings- they just don't light there tails because God never wanted them to consume all their lights, so that during nighttimes, when the world is in darkness God could still see His creation because of the lights coming from the fireflies..

Nowadays, there are no more fireflies-- firelanterns couldn't match the beauty of a firefly... with the going ons in my life now, I am just a firelantern hoping to become a firefly...

Someday, when I leave the earth, fireflies will accompany me to meet my Creator... the Creator of fireflies...